And then I was at the point of no return.
Last week I decided to quit my internship, and decided that I will move out of my house where I have passed at least one year of my life. Both things I loved very much at the beginning but started to make me increasingly lonely and unhappy until I felt there was no turning back: I had to stop it.
Now I have no job, nor an internship, nor-by the end of January- a house to live in. It is the middle of winter in the Netherlands. This is a situation which some people see as a Time to Start Things Anew, a wonderful place in life where you have no obligations but doing the things that you want. Other people might call me homeless and unemployed, which is also true, though I am very happy with this situation.
This is where I want to start this blog. I am writing this for you, dear reader, if anyone will ever read this blog, and for myself, to organize my thoughts.
I am writing this first blog on a train, on my way back to Maastricht, after having had a family Christmas dinner. Belly full of chocolate and other sweet delights, I am sitting comfortably with a laptop on my lap, my feet on the passenger seat across from me. I will start my studies (to become a primary school teacher) in September 2013.Time to get the the ball rolling.
Right now I feel like I have three options:
A) Staying in Maastricht and making the best of it: I could move to a local squat where a bunch of my friends live and get involved with organizing events there, as well as making some money doing part-time jobs. Hopefully I could combine this with doing what I like best: working with children. At the Maastricht Hospital they need volunteers to help in a children’s television project: making television with the children in the ward. Then after a few months I could maybe get back to my old internship where I’m sure they will need my help again in creatively educating children about nature. I could use the summer to prepare for my studies, and to travel a little around Europe.
B) Going to Spain and be a nanny. I already found a place in the south of Spain where they would like me to help them with household chores, as well as taking care of their two little girls. Then after a few months I could meet up with my Spanish friend Ana, and we could travel together, either hitchhiking in Europe or flying across the world and go backpacking in India.
C) I could go away. Far away. As soon as possible. To places that I cannot even imagine, Nepal, India, Malaysia, Indonesia, and Thailand. A friend of mine is currently residing in the Philippines. I could meet up with her somehow and we could travel together. Or I could go all by myself and hope I will meet someone to travel with, which I am sure I will.
I would like to call option A) the Safe Option. If I would do this I would be happy, entertained, rich and maybe even prepared by the time I start my studies next year. Option B) is the I Would Like to Get Away Option. This would take me out of my comfort zone, I would be on the other side of Europe, learning Spanish (at least I would hope so), and taking care of children in an area where the nature and the culture is nothing like the Netherlands, yet still only two hours away by plane. Why I would like to do this? Why not? I think of option C) as the option Hell, If I Don’t Do It Now I Never Will. I have some money saved up. I don’t have a boyfriend. Most of my friends from my international university are back to their home country and I haven’t made enough local new friends to replace that network. My parents, grandparents and the rest of my family are relatively healthy so they will not die soon; even my ancient cat might survive for another half a year. Also, I am responsible enough to be able to do this without too much risk of getting kidnapped, mature enough to make this into a relevant life experience and crazy enough to, well, be crazy.
I vaguely remember this thought experiment in Quantum Mechanics where there is a cat in a box, and in that box there is a bottle of poisonous gas. Whether this bottle is opened or not is dependent on random criteria, executed by computer who does not know nor care about cats (how computers can be so heartless I do not know). Unless we open the box, we do not know whether the cat is dead or alive. According to this experiment, before we open this box, the cat is both dead and alive.
Thought experiments are a little strange and pretentious, and perhaps not even useful, but I am just writing this down to make myself understand why I think it is so difficult to choose between option A, B and C.
But I will, and I must, because (invisible) option X is to Do Nothing and Be Unhappy. And I will not allow that to happen.
Last week I decided to quit my internship, and decided that I will move out of my house where I have passed at least one year of my life. Both things I loved very much at the beginning but started to make me increasingly lonely and unhappy until I felt there was no turning back: I had to stop it.
Now I have no job, nor an internship, nor-by the end of January- a house to live in. It is the middle of winter in the Netherlands. This is a situation which some people see as a Time to Start Things Anew, a wonderful place in life where you have no obligations but doing the things that you want. Other people might call me homeless and unemployed, which is also true, though I am very happy with this situation.
This is where I want to start this blog. I am writing this for you, dear reader, if anyone will ever read this blog, and for myself, to organize my thoughts.
I am writing this first blog on a train, on my way back to Maastricht, after having had a family Christmas dinner. Belly full of chocolate and other sweet delights, I am sitting comfortably with a laptop on my lap, my feet on the passenger seat across from me. I will start my studies (to become a primary school teacher) in September 2013.Time to get the the ball rolling.
Right now I feel like I have three options:
A) Staying in Maastricht and making the best of it: I could move to a local squat where a bunch of my friends live and get involved with organizing events there, as well as making some money doing part-time jobs. Hopefully I could combine this with doing what I like best: working with children. At the Maastricht Hospital they need volunteers to help in a children’s television project: making television with the children in the ward. Then after a few months I could maybe get back to my old internship where I’m sure they will need my help again in creatively educating children about nature. I could use the summer to prepare for my studies, and to travel a little around Europe.
B) Going to Spain and be a nanny. I already found a place in the south of Spain where they would like me to help them with household chores, as well as taking care of their two little girls. Then after a few months I could meet up with my Spanish friend Ana, and we could travel together, either hitchhiking in Europe or flying across the world and go backpacking in India.
C) I could go away. Far away. As soon as possible. To places that I cannot even imagine, Nepal, India, Malaysia, Indonesia, and Thailand. A friend of mine is currently residing in the Philippines. I could meet up with her somehow and we could travel together. Or I could go all by myself and hope I will meet someone to travel with, which I am sure I will.
I would like to call option A) the Safe Option. If I would do this I would be happy, entertained, rich and maybe even prepared by the time I start my studies next year. Option B) is the I Would Like to Get Away Option. This would take me out of my comfort zone, I would be on the other side of Europe, learning Spanish (at least I would hope so), and taking care of children in an area where the nature and the culture is nothing like the Netherlands, yet still only two hours away by plane. Why I would like to do this? Why not? I think of option C) as the option Hell, If I Don’t Do It Now I Never Will. I have some money saved up. I don’t have a boyfriend. Most of my friends from my international university are back to their home country and I haven’t made enough local new friends to replace that network. My parents, grandparents and the rest of my family are relatively healthy so they will not die soon; even my ancient cat might survive for another half a year. Also, I am responsible enough to be able to do this without too much risk of getting kidnapped, mature enough to make this into a relevant life experience and crazy enough to, well, be crazy.
I vaguely remember this thought experiment in Quantum Mechanics where there is a cat in a box, and in that box there is a bottle of poisonous gas. Whether this bottle is opened or not is dependent on random criteria, executed by computer who does not know nor care about cats (how computers can be so heartless I do not know). Unless we open the box, we do not know whether the cat is dead or alive. According to this experiment, before we open this box, the cat is both dead and alive.
Thought experiments are a little strange and pretentious, and perhaps not even useful, but I am just writing this down to make myself understand why I think it is so difficult to choose between option A, B and C.
But I will, and I must, because (invisible) option X is to Do Nothing and Be Unhappy. And I will not allow that to happen.