It’s funny how you can feel alone all together. A quick talk with some of my friends showed me that we are all searching, we all don’t know. How could we? Vague academics as we are, we are doing studies which give us satisfaction, or sometimes not even, just for the sake of getting a Master’s Degree. We are all sad that all our friends are leaving to study elsewhere, and hoping that some people will stay. Making new friends is difficult but if you seek well there is a core which will stay in one city for longer than their study permits them to do, and it is always important to realize you are not alone.
Yet still, at the thought that one of my best friends is leaving town, one of my last friends from my starting year of my bachelors, makes me feel sad and restless. I love her so much, I love all my friends so much, and yet they all choose their own path to be elsewhere than in the Netherlands. I guess I will be happy about it someday, when I am looking for places to travel to and I find that all I need to do is visit my friends and I will see the entire world.
My mum and dad are so helpful it makes me laugh. I suggested option A, B and C to them, and they were supportive of everything. I still find this very hard to believe. I mean, the most conservative option still means I would move to a squat in a country where squatting is illegal. And when I told them that I wanted to go to Asia they just said yes, without any hassle. I remember telling them two years ago that I wanted to hitchhike to Vienna in the dead of winter and they did not agree at all. Personally, I think going to Asia all by myself, as a blond, 21 year old Dutch girl is possibly more dangerous than hitchhiking on a snowy day on German highways, but I suppose I have gained their trust. I have, by this time in my life, lived and studied in California for half a year, and spent quite some weeks hitchhiking the European roads and seeing where the road takes me. Maybe I am actually ready to do this.
Finally, I freaked out. Talking to my mum about cool internships in the Netherlands for the next half a year and other such nice things, I started to cry. Sobbing I realized that at this point I could only do one thing: get away. Planning things in this county is making me feel scared and queasy, committing to projects has always been my thing and yet now I feel like I do not want to make that last phonecall which will make me a part of this project or that. I do not answer their emails, pretending to be too busy whilst all I am is scared; scared of staying for that much longer just because I think that is the right thing to do. Or the most responsible thing to do.
Fuck being responsible for once.
I have decided: I am going to Nepal, as soon as possible.
Yet still, at the thought that one of my best friends is leaving town, one of my last friends from my starting year of my bachelors, makes me feel sad and restless. I love her so much, I love all my friends so much, and yet they all choose their own path to be elsewhere than in the Netherlands. I guess I will be happy about it someday, when I am looking for places to travel to and I find that all I need to do is visit my friends and I will see the entire world.
My mum and dad are so helpful it makes me laugh. I suggested option A, B and C to them, and they were supportive of everything. I still find this very hard to believe. I mean, the most conservative option still means I would move to a squat in a country where squatting is illegal. And when I told them that I wanted to go to Asia they just said yes, without any hassle. I remember telling them two years ago that I wanted to hitchhike to Vienna in the dead of winter and they did not agree at all. Personally, I think going to Asia all by myself, as a blond, 21 year old Dutch girl is possibly more dangerous than hitchhiking on a snowy day on German highways, but I suppose I have gained their trust. I have, by this time in my life, lived and studied in California for half a year, and spent quite some weeks hitchhiking the European roads and seeing where the road takes me. Maybe I am actually ready to do this.
Finally, I freaked out. Talking to my mum about cool internships in the Netherlands for the next half a year and other such nice things, I started to cry. Sobbing I realized that at this point I could only do one thing: get away. Planning things in this county is making me feel scared and queasy, committing to projects has always been my thing and yet now I feel like I do not want to make that last phonecall which will make me a part of this project or that. I do not answer their emails, pretending to be too busy whilst all I am is scared; scared of staying for that much longer just because I think that is the right thing to do. Or the most responsible thing to do.
Fuck being responsible for once.
I have decided: I am going to Nepal, as soon as possible.